Self Starving
by MW3addict
Summary: Alice and Jasper are recent arrivals at the Cullen's but Jasper's lack of trust in the family results in him never leaving his mates side but when he finally does back off, not being at Alice's side makes him fall into depression; one that results into Jasper starving himself from blood. Pre-twilight
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys, I am back with another one shot. I just want to let you know that this story is NOT related to 'learning to trust' otherwise the timeline wouldn't make sense so if you have read that story, this did not happen…it's just another idea. But on the other hand, this may have been mentioned in an early chapter of 'secrets of pain' but I can't quite remember.**

**This story doesn't contain a lot of talking btw; just Alice explain stuff**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.**

* * *

**Alice's POV**

Jasper and I had joined the Cullen's a whole month a go now and to put things simply…Jasper wasn't doing too well. He refused to leave my side under any circumstance in fear that the family would turn on us. He would guard the bathroom door whenever I used the shower, he would pull me behind him whenever any of our siblings got near and he always stayed closed when we were hunting which was a problem.

You see, being a vampire, hunting has to be done carefully because that's when our animal instincts kick in and we could possibly get aggressive. I guess that really isn't a problem for most of us because I had learned to be more human and the rest of the Cullen's were born into it but Jasper knew that if he was the one hunting and he was too close to another vampire, even me, he could hurt one of us. It wouldn't be his fault; it was just instinct but the reason why that was a problem was because Jasper didn't want to risk hurting me but still wanted to stay close and the only solution there is; is to follow me but _not _hunt. Jasper wasn't drinking as often as he should. His eyes were darker than the rest of us due to hunger but no matter how often I tried, I couldn't get him to drink much.

The only way I could help him with this is if I make him less reliant on me. Once he learns that this family is not a danger, then he won't need to stay by my side 24/7. In short, I needed to take control.

* * *

So the following week, I had tried to encourage him to interact with his brothers but he just looked at me horrified as if I had left him vulnerable in a dark and scary forest by himself. When that hadn't worked, I made him stay at home on my next hunting trip with Rose and Esme while Carlisle kept an eye on Jasper to make sure that he didn't follow behind me. He just went to our room and waited for me to return home.

When I did, I had felt terrible for leaving him. He was shaking with fear as he sat on our bed with his knees pulled up to his chest. I had never seen him look so afraid. He didn't even seem to notice my presence until I joined him on the bed and pulled him close to me.

I couldn't leave his side again.

I just wouldn't be able to bare it.

* * *

Within the next month, I had settled with the idea of just Jazz and I hunting on our own. I would kill first and once I was done, he would kill, too, but I would have to stay within his sight while keep my distance at the same time to stop him from getting anxious.

Carlisle had soon suggested bringing somebody else along so that Jasper would get used to other vampires being around him. When we had tried this, Jasper appeared to be even more cautious than he had been before as he was now making sure one of the others weren't about to steal his kill.

I knew that Rosalie, Edward and even Emmett were growing a little frustrated with Jasper's behavior but Carlisle and Esme were very patient people and I had to be patient for my Jazz. Carlisle encouraged our siblings to interact with Jasper; bond with him but unfortunately, Jasper was too distant and closed off with everybody. I was the only one he trusted yet he still wouldn't believe me when I assured him that they wouldn't hurt him.

* * *

After another couple of months, things seemed to get a little better. Jasper, being an empath, knew that his behavior was upsetting the family and worrying me and he would do anything to feel my happiness. He started to back off a little; giving me my own space and a chance to bond with my siblings as well but he only used his alone time stuck in our room, sitting on the bed and waiting for me. I guess it's one step at a time right?

Wrong.

Things got worse.

Well, I guess they had to. Things have to get worse before they get better.

Jasper noticed that I became happier when he wasn't constantly being overprotective so he must have started taking it the wrong way. Not only did Jasper back off to let me spend some time with my family but he also seemed to think that it was a good idea to stop hunting with me. Normally, I would be okay with that because it meant that he would go with someone else but I was his only hunting partner and he would not go alone.

He was now refusing to hunt all together.

It had started off to make me happy to distance himself from me but now he was doing it out of depression _because _he was away from me. That's when I finally realised that protecting me wasn't the only reason he couldn't leave my side. He wasn't himself when he was alone; he was depressed, lonely, anxious, scared.

He thought that I wanted him to stop being near me rather than just becoming less reliant but then again, Jasper almost always took things the wrong way after being a very sensitive person. This was my fault; I should have been expecting this.

* * *

It was another two weeks when Carlisle finally intervened. Jasper was showing signs of weakness; his focused attention became unfocused, he didn't seem to notice his surroundings when he would usually note every detail of the rooms he was in. Even his vampire abilities were starting to weaken; he wasn't as fast or as strong as he should be and his sight, sound and smell were becoming more like a human's rather than as good as a vampire. I was sure that he was even losing his ability to manipulate emotions.

We all began to worry.

Although Jasper feared Carlisle since he viewed him as a leader of the coven and Jasper hasn't exactly got a good history with leaders, it didn't stop Carlisle from taking him out hunting. He even had to kill for Jasper but when he brought the dead animal to his side, Jasper refused to drink; he just turned his head away.

We were all absolutely clueless; well, there was a suggestion of human blood because we all knew that even if he tried, Jasper wouldn't be able to resist but then Carlisle dismissed the idea because it would only torture Jasper after he realises what happened but if things get too bad, it would be the only other option.

* * *

No matter how much persuading we all did, nothing helped. It was when Jasper collapsed down the stairs when we began to lose hope. We had all ran to him, trying to figure out what was going on. Vampires weren't the kind that could just fall out of consciousness but after being starved for so long, we lose energy until we eventually lose the strength to get up; as if we are just souls stuck in a lifeless body.

And now it was happening to Jasper.

Emmett had carried him back into our room and laid him in our bed. If Jasper had any energy left, he would have used it to freak out at Emmett's touch but he probably didn't even realise what was happening.

* * *

The following night, the boys had gone out hunting to bring back some blood in some containers. Now that Jasper was this weak, we just needed to make him swallow it but the problem was, when he does strengthen up after consuming blood, it was bound to happen again as he would refuse to drink anymore.

"Don't do this to me, Jazz. I need you. You are the most important thing in my life. If anything happens to you, I don't know what I would do. I never wanted you to do this to yourself, baby. I didn't want you to stop being near me. I love you" I whispered to him.

I had spent the whole night laying with Jasper, stroking his hair, speaking gently to him; anything that will make him drink again. His eyes were open slightly but I could tell that he was trying to fight the urge to shut them.

I had turned around when I heard a knock on the door which revealed to be Carlisle. Jasper had me so worried that even I appeared to be losing my abilities. I hadn't even heard him or _seen _him approach.

He had placed a tube down Jasper's throat which the animal blood went through and into his system. I continued to stroke his hair and say soothing words to him to keep him calm although he was still too weak to get himself worked up.

All that was left to do now was wait.

* * *

Within the next few hours, Jasper was already moving around our bedroom again but he avoided any other room or any other vampire for that matter. After remembering the words I told him while comforting him many hours before, Jasper finally realised that I did, in fact, want him to stay close to me. He kept nuzzling his nose into my neck with the occasional lick or suck but he hadn't said anything…unless purring counts.

Although he had been fed, it wasn't enough to last him the next few weeks so a few days later, Carlisle had managed to convince him to go hunting after a long talk so we both went together and he finally caught something! A deer to be specific.

I was happy for him and when Jasper felt my emotions, I got a vision.

It was one of him hunting with both of Emmett and Edward. They were all having fun, challenging bears and Jasper looked happy.

Feeling my happy emotions must have made Jasper more determined to do what it takes to keep me feeling that way which involves keeping himself healthy; well, healthy for a vampire. Jasper was going to not only start hunting again but also do it with his brothers within time.

I only needed to wait a little longer

**I know that S Meyers view of vampires is that even if they haven't consumed blood in so long, nothing happens, I believe it makes much more sense ff they fall weak because blood is like their source of energy so the blood in their body has to go somewhere, right? **

**Would you like me to turn this into a two-shot with the second chapter being the 'long talk' Carlisle had with Jasper to get him to go hunting?**

**Please tell me if you liked it and leave a review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I have finally got this chapter up. I'm glad that you liked the first chapter and was wanting to read a second. So this is Carlisle's POV (because I love writing and reading in his perspective).**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.**

**Carlisle's POV**

I was worried about the newest member of the family; we all were. Alice and Jasper had only been with us for a couple of months but things already seemed to be going wrong. I had noticed the signs right away from the moment Jasper had stepped through the door. He had been overprotective with Alice to the point where even I had to be cautious around him. We may not be like other vampires but I have been around long enough to understand the behaviour of the most dangerous and unpredictable vampires and Jasper was most certainly one of them.

I had to make sure that Edward and Emmett only wrestled if they were in a far distance from Jasper in fear that he wouldn't understand the difference between play fighting and killing each other. I had to make sure that Rosalie would keep back her nasty comments; especially to Alice as the most simplest thing can trigger Jasper going into defensive mode and I highly doubt that he would keep things verbal.

But it was as soon as Alice had tried to make Jasper less dependent on her and as well as trying and failing to make him realise that we weren't a danger to her or him when things went from bad to worse. He began to starve himself from blood.

When he first started avoiding hunting, I thought that perhaps it was because he didn't like the taste since he was new to the diet; reducing the amount he digest reduces the amount of times he has to taste the blood but it eventually got to the point where he was showing signs of weakness.

All of his senses were getting less accurate and it was clear that even if he tried, he was unable to hunt. I was forced to intervene for his sake as well as the rest of my family's. My wife hated seeing her newest son in pain and Alice, too, was suffering. I knew that out of everybody in the family, Jasper feared me most which I guessed was because he had a bad experience with coven leaders and he had yet to accept us as family rather than a coven. But now that he was weakened, he felt more vulnerable; his fear of me grew more obvious. I had tried to put it all aside as I took him for a hunt to get him to digest something.

Even when I had slowed down for him, he was struggling to keep up with me when we were running. He was losing his strength, too, so I had guessed that he wouldn't have even been able to take down anything large. Because of that, I had killed for him. I had placed the dead elk right in front of him and encouraged him to drink. I had thought that even if Alice couldn't get him to drink, there was still a chance that I could since he was too frightened to 'disobey me'. That was probably the first time he didn't do something that I asked of him.

Jasper collapsing down the stairs was when I finally decided that I had enough of being 'too gentle' when talking to him. I needed him to understand what he was putting this family through. I needed him to understand that he _was_ family and not just a guest. Alice had spent the whole night by Jasper's side worrying about him while he was being force fed with a tube down his throat but as soon as his energy had returned, I chose to cease the moment while it was still there before he could starve himself into weakening his body again.

Which was why right now, Jasper was standing in front of me in my study with his head down and eyes on the carpet. Even though I couldn't see his eyes right at this moment, I knew that they were golden; a colour that they hadn't been for a while. I was so used to seeing his eyes black that golden eyes almost didn't look right on him. I knew that they would return to that darkened colour if I don't get my message through to him though.

"What's going on, Jasper?" I asked him.

There had to be some reason why he wasn't keeping himself fed. He was clearly depressed without Alice by his side but when he was constantly near her, she was concerned for him and Jasper didn't want Alice to worry about him but there had to be more to it.

Jasper answered my question with a shrug; why wasn't I surprised?

"You're worrying everybody. Surely you can sense that" I tried again.

"They don't need to worry about me. I can take care of m'self" he whispered, his southern accent kicking in.

He still refused to look up. Jasper wasn't a big fan of eye contact but it was clear that by staring at the carpet, he was trying to stop himself from saying too much. Looking somebody in the eye seems to hold the power of making somebody open up; something that Jasper hated doing.

"I don't think that's true" I disagreed quietly.

His golden eyes quickly glanced up at mine before looking back down at the carpet again; telling me that my response had irritated him a little. Well of course it would; I pretty much just told a war veteran that he couldn't look after himself. His body moved uncomfortably and I could tell that he was debating whether he should take a step back or not.

"I can help you" I offered him.

"I don't need your help" he suddenly hissed.

He took a step back away from me with his body tensed as he glared. I kept my emotions calm so that he could feel them, hoping that it would help him copy my emotions.

"Have you taken a look at yourself lately?" I asked him.

He held his stare on the carpet; pretending not to hear me so I carried on since he gave me no indication of a reply.

"What about Alice? Don't you care what you're doing to her?"

I knew that Alice was a sensitive subject to him but it was important that I got my message through to him. He needed to understand how worried we all were for him; Alice especially. Jasper opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He knew I was right.

"I don't mean to hurt her" He suddenly whispered painfully.

"I know" I simply stated.

Again, there was no indication that he was going to talk further but I wasn't done with him yet.

"All she wants is for you to get better. We need blood to give us the energy to function but if you aren't getting enough blood into your system, how are you going to manage that? I may not know enough about you, Jasper but what I do know is that protecting Alice comforts you. The way you guard her when she has a vision or while she's hunting. You like protecting her when she is at her most vulnerable but if danger ever does pop up, how would you be able to do that if you don't have the energy to keep her safe?"

His eyes met mine once again with a look of understanding. Perhaps he now knows what I'm trying to tell him.

"She….she was always happier when I left her unprotected" he noted, confused.

I shook my head at him. "She was happy because she was hoping that meant you trusted us enough not to hurt her. You didn't leave her unprotected because if danger would've come up, we would've all protected each other but please note that we have never been in a dangerous situation. You and Alice are safe with us" I told him.

I was aware that Jasper wasn't familiar with safety due to his upbringing so I knew that trust was a hard thing for him but even if he hadn't realised it, he had allowed himself to leave Alice's side which would have been hard for a mate to do if they didn't trust the vampires nearby.

Jasper's face was expressionless and yet again, he didn't seem to know what to say to that.

"Besides, her positive emotions changed when you began to show signs of weakness" I pointed out.

"I'm not weak" he snapped.

I should have expected him to take that the wrong way. I knew he hated to think himself as such and for somebody who had gone through as much as he did and still come out of it sane, I could agree with him…partially.

"That's not what I mean" I said as I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Jasper, you fell down the stairs because you were unable to find the strength to walk after not consuming blood in a while. Surely you were still able to read the emotions coming from Alice. I may not have your ability but that was definitely not happiness that she was feeling" I stated as-a-matter-of-factly.

Jasper ran a hand through his hair and sighed in frustration. "I…I know" he whispered.

"I know you love her, Jasper and you would do anything to keep her happy but this is not the way. You need to remember that she wants to protect you as much as you want to protect her. Think about how you would feel if the tables were turned" I told him.

I notice him wince at the thought but I guess it was because he never looked at it in that way. He most likely thought that he loved her more than she loved him because he has a problem in believing that he deserves what new life he has been given. He would destroy the world for Alice but he forgets that she would do the same for him.

"I don't want her to worry about me" he stated quietly.

"Then don't give her a reason to worry. Hunt. Keep fed. When she looks into your eyes, she wants to see them gold, not black. She wants you to be healthy; we all do" I finished.

Although his gaze was no longer on the carpet, it wasn't on me either. He was in deep thought; considering everything I had said to him. His eyebrows furrowed a little and his ears twitched to the sound of a bird singing outside. That was probably the only indication that he hadn't zoned out on me as he was still being cautious of his surroundings. Jasper's golden eyes looked into mine when he was done with thinking.

"I'll hunt" he announced.

I sighed in relief; I had managed to get through to him.

"Good. Would you like me to come with you?" I asked him gently.

Jasper shook his head at me. "Actually, I'm hoping that Alice would go with me" he admitted.

I nodded in understanding. I knew that he had a difficulty keeping calm when hunting around anyone but Alice but he would keep feeling that way unless he would try it more often.

"Maybe some other time?" He questioned nervously.

I guess he felt something in my emotions that made him feel the need to ask. I nodded again, appreciating that he was at least trying.

"Okay, I guess I'll go get her now. I could feel her eagerness from here" Jasper mentioned.

In other words, Alice has just had a vision of her hunting with Jasper in the very near future. He gave me a small smile and a thankful nod before walking out of my study. Hopefully he would remember this conversation when he next feels unimportant to us though I hope that there won't be a next time.

**So what do you guys think about this second shot?**

**REVIEW!**


End file.
